As a spiritual director, I get this question all the time.
My go-to response is to say that counseling (or therapy) is where we go when we’re in “crisis mode” but that spiritual direction is meant to be an ongoing part of our lives.
By way of example, I’ve seen counselors or therapists at several key points in my journey:
- To process the eye-opening “Who am I, and how did I become this person?” questions every 19-year-old asks
- To try to save my first marriage
- To heal from the dissolution of my first marriage
- To process and heal from an abuse incident that happened in my teen years
Each of those therapy experiences were focused on a key presenting issue and had a starting and ending point. God was present there, yes, and even came up in conversation often, but there was a primary reason I was there: to get help with a specific area of life presenting itself as a crisis.
Conversely, I’ve been meeting with my current spiritual director every month for nearly five years and have every intention of continuing to see her as long as she’ll have me — and to continue spiritual direction as a part of my monthly routine the rest of my life. (Speaking of which, I know some people who have seen the same spiritual director for 20 years — how incredible is that?)
Meeting every month for years on end with someone who has a listening charism is nothing short of a great and incredible gift. This person, over time, learns the landscape of your journey and the tenor of your relationship with God. They bear witness. They help you remember. They help you see. They hold sacred space as you engage with God. It is truly spiritual companionship.
As one friend put it recently, therapy is like the chemo that beats a specific area, while spiritual direction is like the regular wellness checkups we need for day-to-day health.
Is this clarification helpful? Do you have additional questions? Are there ways you’ve personally experienced the difference between counseling and spiritual direction?
I love the crisis delineation here, Christianne. Many with whom I discuss these matters gaze a little askance when they hear the older, more (c)atholic terminology of ‘spiritual direction’ versus ‘pastoral’ or ‘clinical counseling.’ One of the greatest hurdles for the spiritual direction enterprise and its present resurgence to overcome is the prevailing North American Protestant philosophy of pragmatism or…’git ‘er done.’ Often, counseling aims at fixing a serious problem that, without it, could end in emotional catastrophe. By contrast, spiritual direction hints at loose ends, unfinished sentences, questions rather than answers, elipses in our lives that serve to keep us coming before God, in the company of another, who then helps us discern where God dwells in these things rather than simply ‘fix them’; something that may or may not be God’s intent.
I totally agree, Rob. So much in our lives is about solutions and periods at the end of sentences. We’re uncomfortable with the question marks. But really, life is ongoing. It’s not meant to be given a period until the end of time, perhaps. I find that amazing and full of so much hope … but it’s certainly not our natural proclivity to embrace that. Thanks for pointing this out.
Hello Christianne,
Thank you for this helpful guide. I resonate very much with your own experience as I too have had to frequent a therapist during some of my darker moments and there have even been times when my SD suggested it. As you know, spiritual directors are trained not to be afraid of the dark. In my own experience as a directee and director, I don’t mind chaos because it seems to be a breeding ground for transformation. I do see the benefits for having both a spiritual director and therapist during our darker seasons for it is during such times they seem to marry each other on the journey quite well. That being said I am happy that you well stated some of the differences.
I love the way you said that, Val, about spiritual directors being trained not to be afraid of the dark. Yes! It’s one of those rare places in life where we can look at the dark in safety, isn’t it?
I, too, love the way SD and therapy can work in harmony during seasons in a person’s life where the two are happening together. My supervisor says she often is in contact with a directee’s counselor if they are in counseling. I have not done that yet myself, and my SD and therapist are not formally talking to one another, but they both know of the other, and I often talk to each of them about things that are coming up in my sessions with either one of them. In that way, the processes are talking to one another and providing some integrating space for me.
Do you have any thoughts or experience of having an SD and therapist formally connect with each other?
Christianne/Val, maybe give me an instance when, as a spiritual director, you might refer someone to a therapist or counsellor.
As a spiritual director, I might refer someone to a therapist if there seem to be life patterns that get in the way of spiritual and emotional health, especially if the person seems overwhelmed or shut down by psychological/emotional issues. If the person seems stuck in a psychological mess, that can be a good reason to see a therapist. It is a discernment, when to suggest this. And sometimes it is right to make the suggestion and invite the directee into that discernment about therapy. I think Christianne’s words about therapy and spiritual direction help a lot to clarify the difference between the two.
I love what you shared here in answer to Rob’s question, Mary Kay. Thank you for offering it!
I would agree with Mary Kay, Rob. I would add some concrete examples to what she’s shared, such as when a person has an emotional or mood disorder, such as depression or bipolarity. Specific issues such as eating disorders or abuse trauma would be times I’d recommend the incorporation of a therapist into the work of a directee. I might recommend a therapist if a directee is going through marital trouble or a divorce, or if they are healing from a difficult loss. It’s not that SD isn’t helpful through any of these processes — it is. It’s that SD is meant to focus specifically on the directee’s connection to God through these things, whereas therapy is going to help with the other aspects of introspection, understanding, and healing that are more specific and beyond the bounds of an SD’s training.
One other thing I would add is that those in roles of spiritual leadership, in addition to being in spiritual direction, would be wise to also be intentional and disciplined about doing their emotional and psychological work with a therapist, for their spiritual safety; in order to be in as full a relationship as possible with God; and in order to serve others ‘cleanly,’ that is, with as little of their own baggage as possible. However, while I think spiritual direction is forever (or can be), that is not necessarily true for therapy.
Yes! I would agree with you, Mary Kay. I think this can look like therapy or also supervision (something, unlike therapy, that I think follows a spiritual director throughout their time in this vocation, rather than just for a season).
Christianne, I am not sure that spiritual direction supervision can take the place of therapy. There certainly would be overlap, and I believe supervision is a “must” for all spiritual directors whenever they are active in this ministry. Therapy, though, is less directly about spiritual direction or any other specific ministry and more about the general emotional and psychological health of the person. I think a spiritual leader does not necessarily need a therapist in an ongoing relationship (though some of us certainly do need that); but regular therapeutic work seems to me to be essential to our ability to engage in healthy ways with those we serve. That would include supervision, seeing a spiritual director, and – as needed – therapy.
I agree with you, Mary Kay. I only meant to add supervision to the mix of ways that directors can care for themselves, since that hadn’t been mentioned in the conversation yet and I believe it is one essential way a director cares for their spiritual and emotional health on an ongoing basis when seeing directees—it frees them up to be more present to the directees they see. I did not mean to imply it’s a substitute for therapy. I agree that therapy is important when working with the deeper psychological and emotional issues at play in a person’s life, including a director’s.
I have been seeing a therapist weekly (and sometimes 2x and 3x per week) for almost 6 years now. I think I understand the difference between a therapist and a spiritual director, but I encourage you not to assume that all people see therapists for a short period of time.
One thing I have found very distressing about some of the spiritual directors I have seen over the years is that they don’t always differentiate chemical/brain problems from spiritual problems. I know the symptoms of both can be similar, but I had a SD for a while who didn’t realize that I was deeply depressed, he thought I was going through a dark night of the soul episode when my clinical features were pretty obvious. I had never been depressed before & was young (19), so I had no way of knowing. I wasted a lot of time and money going to this well-meaning but out of his league chap when I should have been in therapy.
Thank you for sharing this perspective, Luc. It’s needed — both the perspective that for some, therapy is long-term and that SDs need discernment on when something is, at root, spiritual or physical or emotional or chemical, etc. I’m so sorry to hear about the experiences you’ve had that were detrimental to your growth and health. It’s such a clear testament to why SDs need wisdom and a broad landscape of understanding about the dynamics that can be at work in a person’s life. Thank you again for sharing.
And from my experience, trying to discern anything when you’re deeply depressed is at best a waste of time and at worst a recipe for disaster. I was told when I was in my early 20s that I needed to feel my best in order to be able to discern where the spirit was leading me. Well, I waited and waited and waited, and after a few years, I realized that I couldn’t wait until I felt better, and the important decisions in my life couldn’t wait either. I fumbled around and was really lost.
My other criticism of spiritual directors is that they often aren’t cognizant of their directees’ self-deception. The best SD I ever had engaged in dialogue in a very challenging way. Gentleness has never worked with me, and I find the gentlest of SD’s to be the least effective, at least for me.
Hi Luc. I love what you’ve shared here, too, about your experience of helpfulness and not-helpfulness in direction — how you have benefited best from an SD that was direct and willing to challenge you, rather than an SD that takes a more gentle approach. I think it highlights the importance of knowing ourselves and also the importance of finding the right SD for us. Not every SD is going to be a good fit for every directee, you know? Some people need gentleness; others need challenge. For some, challenge would be wounding. For others (like you), gentleness would be unhelpful and too easily let them off the hook.
Thank you for sharing your perspective about the difficulty of discernment when depressed. You’ve raised some great questions for me to consider, such as what ought someone who is depressed do when they need to still make decisions for their life. Thanks for bringing challenge to this conversation. 🙂
I thought the outlook of spiritual direction being an ongoing part of our lives was really interesting. I have heard that reconnecting with your spiritual intuition is a process that takes time, and isn’t a one-time fix. Is that true? If so, I think having the same spiritual counselor provide direction and insight over time could be instrumental in aligning your spirituality and keeping it that way.